Stop comparing yourself to others!   

At work, on Instagram and the other social media platforms or any other offline place we tend to constantly place ourself in the equation with one thing or another.  It’s something we do daily. No matter our position, status or performance, we habitually wonder if we are as good enough or even better. We mirror ourselves to either look down on ourselves or the other person. This episode is will help you understand what it means to measure yourself against someone or something and how that might influence your relationships. Let me know about your thoughts or questions after watching. I’d love to hear them.

Transcript

When you compare yourself with an other it means you’re not comfortable with your own uniqueness. Because if you were, you wouldn’t be comparing yourself to another person. There’s no other reason. If there is, let me know, but it all leads to this idea of not measuring up against someone’s worth. Cause, tell me, why, in the world, would you put yourself next to another person to estimate or measure qualities or features?

It’s something we do daily. No matter our position, status or performance, we habitually wonder if we are as good enough or even better. We mirror ourselves to either look down on ourselves or the other person. You probably did this earlier on today or yesterday: you wondered why his or her life looks better than yours, why that couple is more romantic, why your colleague who’s doing the same job is getting more money, why your friend is more talented… Now, before beating yourself up, let me tell you: this is normal. Everyone does this.  

Now a good friend of mine was celebrating his second month with his new girlfriend and went to this flower shop. At the flower shop he asked the seller for a bouquet but to personalize it he wanted two of his best roses in the bouquet. The florist made him this beautiful bouquet with two of his best roses. On his way home, my friend kept on looking  at the roses, compared them, and noticed differences. Both were beautiful roses but they were not identical. They had the same shape, size and the petals had the same color and even smelled the same. He told me that he took the flowers back and asked for other flowers because he felt that the best should not look alike but be the same. The florist told him that he had no such thing in his store. Every rose in itself is different, so are you and those you compare yourself with.

You might think this is a strange comparison because roses are different from humans but it’s just as bizarre to compare yourself with someone else. Even if you’d be twins and look very much alike, it still would be shady to compare yourself with the other. Because, when we compare, 9 out of 10 times, it’s very superficial. It’s almost never from a holistic perspective.

The spiritual part of this episode is this:

The moment we look at something or someone, put it next to another thing or ourselves, and verbalize what we see (our ideas of the two), we’re no longer looking at the two together or separately but we’re looking at what’s between them. We’re looking at what separates them. We loose our focus on the whole of their being and zoom in on the space between them.

We take some individual characteristic or quality of one and hold it against some other particular aspect of the other. We reduce or increase it and as a result, reject the unity it’s part of. Now, here’s the hitch: We tend to forget that a distinctive attribute or aspect of something or someone always functions from a contextual relationship. Without its coherent whole, it can never be understood or assessed properly. We take a specific part or attribute of someone and commend or criticize it without considering the whole or total it’s part off. We tend to refer to these things or people forgetting how intimately interconnected they are with their other parts. What I’m saying here is: you can’t actually compare because it’s not in perspective. You can’t put a value on something you’ve taken out of its frame of reference. Whether there are similar trades or even when you are of the age, sex, race or have the same education, you’d still be comparing apples to oranges.

The sad part of comparing ourselves to others is that when this happens (when we loose perspective) we mug ourselves from happiness. This is where stress start for many of us. We rob ourselves from seeing our own qualities, possessions and achievements as a whole. And because of unsatisfactoriness, we fall into traps of unhealthy thoughts and dismissive behavior to the extent of disconnecting with who we really are and what we are here for. We forget that each and everyone of us is here to contribute from the very whole, that very unique essence and entity we are.

So, when you find yourself looking for words to help you separate yourself from the other (or parts of yourself), when you think of criticizing, judging or considering yourself to be the same as an other, know that you’re taking a distance from your uniqueness. You’re taking a distance from everything around you. Know that you’re turning your thumbs down to the total that constitutes you and the other. Here’s the thing: When you compare, you single out but you also miss out. 

Now, I hope you noticed this: because I singled out the roses in the story of my friend you never got to know about the other flowers in the bouquet. 

So, realize this: When comparing we disable ourselves to not see all that is available. We disconnect to not take in and understand fully. We disregard the total body of actuality. We ignore our whole being and that of the other. When comparing, we’re not comfortable with the whole of our own uniqueness just as it is. When comparing, we deplore instead of celebrating what is.  

Once again, I want to thank you for listening or watching all the way through. It’s an honor to be of value to you. Please, share this SPEX video with other spiritual high performers like yourself or anyone you’re connected to. If you have any questions, let me know about them. Actually, it would mean so much to me if you would subscribe and share it all over social media. Post it with #spex and let me and other followers know about the most valuable thing you took out of this video or how these videos are making a difference in your life. Thank you so much for being here! 

Connect.Reflect.Transend